As I sit in my car, I hear the laughter and voices coming from the backyard at the party that my wife has brought me to. These parties are not my cup of tea, but these days not many places are. I do enjoy seeing the warm smiles from family, but nothing against them, I am a man on a journey, or for better words, a madman. If I am not researching life and/or myself like a mad scientist, then I choose to rest quietly. At these events people get dressed up and present their best appearances and for one night forget all their troubles. My perspective is that the people that are your family should be your most trusted advisors and support system, yet we hide our true self from them. I cant speak for others, but in my own experiences, my family has no idea all the things I have experienced and projects I work on, you can say its my fault for not discussing these things, but I don’t bring them up, because the opportunity never really does present itself, even at times when it does, I just have no desire to share such an inner part of my life with them, actually not really with anyone except a few, which have been with me since I started my journey.
Sometimes sharing my journey feels like maybe I am bragging or just not sure about something I might be pursuing at the time and don’t want eyes prying or questioning my path. I have found such great inner joy, shifting to this model, the more I allow to process my joys and failures within, the stronger I become and more peace I find within. Have you ever noticed, once you tell people about something you are working on, they will then ask you periodically about it? Whether they are doing it on purpose or not, by simply asking they create inner pressure for you. If you are not doing so well, you want to avoid the subject, if you are doing well, you want someone to ask you about the subject. So you see here, we have shifted the power. We no longer need just our own validation to do something; we are allowing others to dictate our experience. Everything around us influences us; the music we listen to, TV, books etc. We read and listen to the words of other people, which is their experience. If enough people have the same experiences, this translates into the same messages, which now becomes the majority, which starts to influence how we view the world and set parameters on our expectations.
Okay it’s been roughly 20 minutes since I stepped away from the party, I know because I set a timer, a smirk on my face as I write these words. It’s as though I am a secret agent on a mission, the names, a-mad, a-mad-man double O 1 and this is my journey. The wife has sensed that I am not present and sent me a text wondering where I am. I sent her a screen shot of the laptop, which I am currently using to type this. She just said, “that everyone is asking where I am at.” my response, “I am done, they were all asking were you where and you were inside, so no thanks love.” Writing gives me freedom, it let’s me become an architect and create a world with structure, a world that I feel comfortable in. Our world can be messy, filled with so many emotions. Not to say writing can’t have these traits, but it lets you decide your words and edit them before they are read. This power of editing can also create problems for writers, since they might feel their work is never ready. Imagine all the amazing words that never came to the surface. This blog is therapy for me and gives me the chance to share my journey, and hopefully find other great folks along the way that want to share theirs with me, which we would not otherwise do in a normal setting. Call it therapy or an experiment, but hopefully there is content on here that resonates with a fellow madman and helps his or her journey.